successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
