Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He better not be in your backpack
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize