Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
