I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
