I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
