DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
