mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
