So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
