I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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