Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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