Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
