Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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