if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
