i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
