weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
