I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
