he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
