i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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