Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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