Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
