There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize