I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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