his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I came so hard my ears popped.
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