I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
