i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
