I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
