My boss' voice literally gives me gas
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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