I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
