I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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