I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
