New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
