Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
