i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
