I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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