based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
