Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
