UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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