Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
