I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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