You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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