The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
