I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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