It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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