When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
