Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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