But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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