his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
