My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
