You're my little dorito
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
