White coat. Heels.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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