I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
