I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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