with your own penis?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
