Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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