It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
