I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
