so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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