your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
