Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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