Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
