I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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