my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
