That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
