Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
