I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
