I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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