Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
