Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
