she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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