we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
