I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They have beer where we have blood.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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