I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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