I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
