Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
