We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
