You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
