Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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