his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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