The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
